Euro 2012 of Maths
FRIDAY JUNE 8th (GROUP STAGE)
Poland v Greece, Russia v Czech Republic
First up today we have Banach for Poland, the founder of modern functional analysis, against Pythagoras for Greece, who probably needs no introduction. And as you might assume it's a very functional performance for Banach (joint host with the Chudnovsky brothers from Ukraine). Pythagoras, of course, won this competition unexpectedly in 2004. Not the most riveting of encounters, finishing in a 1-1 draw.
Next up it's Johann Euler for Russia (first child of the more famous Swiss mathematician Leonhard Euler) against Matousek from the Czech Republic. Matousek, as many people will be unaware, is most noted for extending the ham sandwich problem to higher dimensions. Most people probably didn't even know that the ham sandwich was a problem. Johann may not have the pedigree of his opponent, but he does have the advantage of being a young man, running out a 4-1 winner in this match. Time to stop analysing those ham sandwiches, my son. Maybe cheese instead?
Poland v Greece, Russia v Czech Republic
First up today we have Banach for Poland, the founder of modern functional analysis, against Pythagoras for Greece, who probably needs no introduction. And as you might assume it's a very functional performance for Banach (joint host with the Chudnovsky brothers from Ukraine). Pythagoras, of course, won this competition unexpectedly in 2004. Not the most riveting of encounters, finishing in a 1-1 draw.
Next up it's Johann Euler for Russia (first child of the more famous Swiss mathematician Leonhard Euler) against Matousek from the Czech Republic. Matousek, as many people will be unaware, is most noted for extending the ham sandwich problem to higher dimensions. Most people probably didn't even know that the ham sandwich was a problem. Johann may not have the pedigree of his opponent, but he does have the advantage of being a young man, running out a 4-1 winner in this match. Time to stop analysing those ham sandwiches, my son. Maybe cheese instead?
SATURDAY JUNE 9th (GROUP STAGE)
Netherlands v Denmark, Germany v Portugal
So, here we are, the first round of the so-called Group of Death, which isn't that meaningful given that all four of this group's mathematicians have already passed away. Representing the Netherlands, it's Bernoulli (he's normally described as Swiss but he was born in the Netherlands). Bernoulli is remembered for his contributions to fluid mechanics, probability and statistics. He would think the probability of a victory in the first game very likely, being as it as against Denmark, in the shape of Mohr, best known for proving that any construction which can be done with a compass and straightedge can be done with a compass alone. Unfortunately for Bernoulli, fluid football was not sufficient to prevent Mohr scoring the only goal of the game in a 0-1 victory for the Danes.
Our second game features Gauss from Germany versus Nunes from Portugal. Gauss, the prodigy, noted for his abilities from a young age, has the fundamental theorem of algebra under his belt. He'll be hoping to get the fundamentals right in this match. Nunes is the underdog in this encounter, with his invention of the eponymous nonius not even sufficient to make him a household name. A less exciting game than anticipated, Gauss comes through with a 1-0 win.
Netherlands v Denmark, Germany v Portugal
So, here we are, the first round of the so-called Group of Death, which isn't that meaningful given that all four of this group's mathematicians have already passed away. Representing the Netherlands, it's Bernoulli (he's normally described as Swiss but he was born in the Netherlands). Bernoulli is remembered for his contributions to fluid mechanics, probability and statistics. He would think the probability of a victory in the first game very likely, being as it as against Denmark, in the shape of Mohr, best known for proving that any construction which can be done with a compass and straightedge can be done with a compass alone. Unfortunately for Bernoulli, fluid football was not sufficient to prevent Mohr scoring the only goal of the game in a 0-1 victory for the Danes.
Our second game features Gauss from Germany versus Nunes from Portugal. Gauss, the prodigy, noted for his abilities from a young age, has the fundamental theorem of algebra under his belt. He'll be hoping to get the fundamentals right in this match. Nunes is the underdog in this encounter, with his invention of the eponymous nonius not even sufficient to make him a household name. A less exciting game than anticipated, Gauss comes through with a 1-0 win.
SUNDAY JUNE 10th (GROUP STAGE)
Spain v Italy, Republic of Ireland v Croatia
Our first match is a battle of the heavyweights, Fermat (Spain) against Fibonacci (Italy). Fermat is (was) technically French but can (could) speak Spanish. Fermat well known for his Last Theorem; he'll be hoping to be the last team standing in this competition, but he won't want to be last in the group. Fibonacci is famous for his rabbit breeding program. And they're playing the possession, defending game quite well until five crazy minutes in the second half, one goal apiece, and that's how it finishes, 1 - 1 for the two favourites from Group C.
Next up it's the Republic of Ireland and Croatia. Playing for the Republic of Ireland we have John Edward Campbell, chosen simply for his name: you always want Jedward representing you in European competition. Campbell is best known, of course, for introducing a formula for the multiplication of exponentials in Lie algebras and his publication Introductory Treatise of Lie's Theory of Finite Continuouis Transformation Groups. His opponent is Janko, after whom Janko groups are named (sporadic simple groups). So both are experts on groups but can either of them navigate a way through a group also containing Spain and Italy? First blood goes to Janko with a 1-3 victory over Jedward and he's currently top of the group.
Spain v Italy, Republic of Ireland v Croatia
Our first match is a battle of the heavyweights, Fermat (Spain) against Fibonacci (Italy). Fermat is (was) technically French but can (could) speak Spanish. Fermat well known for his Last Theorem; he'll be hoping to be the last team standing in this competition, but he won't want to be last in the group. Fibonacci is famous for his rabbit breeding program. And they're playing the possession, defending game quite well until five crazy minutes in the second half, one goal apiece, and that's how it finishes, 1 - 1 for the two favourites from Group C.
Next up it's the Republic of Ireland and Croatia. Playing for the Republic of Ireland we have John Edward Campbell, chosen simply for his name: you always want Jedward representing you in European competition. Campbell is best known, of course, for introducing a formula for the multiplication of exponentials in Lie algebras and his publication Introductory Treatise of Lie's Theory of Finite Continuouis Transformation Groups. His opponent is Janko, after whom Janko groups are named (sporadic simple groups). So both are experts on groups but can either of them navigate a way through a group also containing Spain and Italy? First blood goes to Janko with a 1-3 victory over Jedward and he's currently top of the group.
MONDAY JUNE 11th (GROUP STAGE)
France v England, Ukraine v Sweden
We start today with France versus England, or in mathematician terms, Pascal versus Newton. Pascal's name will forever be associated with a triangle and Newton's name will forever be associated with some laws of motion. A steady game between two giants of the A-Level specification, Newton doesn't let the gravity of the situation get to him, scoring the first goal, but Pascal stays true to the top row of his triangle, also scoring one goal. Final score, 1-1.
And now the final two mathematicians take to the stage. It's the joint hosts, the Chudnovsky brothers from the Ukraine, up against von Koch from Sweden. The Chudnovsky brothers have made their name building their own supercomputers to calculate the value of pi to billions of decimal places whilst von Koch has given his name to the fractal known as the Koch snowflake. It's often stated that all snowflakes are unique, so it's quite fitting that von Koch scores the opener and the only goal for Sweden. The Chudnovsky brothers are not taking it lightly though. There are two of them and they also know, possibly from one of their supercomputers, that the first and smallest prime number is 2. Hence the two goals they score in reply to von Koch's. And the game ends 2-1 to Ukraine.
France v England, Ukraine v Sweden
We start today with France versus England, or in mathematician terms, Pascal versus Newton. Pascal's name will forever be associated with a triangle and Newton's name will forever be associated with some laws of motion. A steady game between two giants of the A-Level specification, Newton doesn't let the gravity of the situation get to him, scoring the first goal, but Pascal stays true to the top row of his triangle, also scoring one goal. Final score, 1-1.
And now the final two mathematicians take to the stage. It's the joint hosts, the Chudnovsky brothers from the Ukraine, up against von Koch from Sweden. The Chudnovsky brothers have made their name building their own supercomputers to calculate the value of pi to billions of decimal places whilst von Koch has given his name to the fractal known as the Koch snowflake. It's often stated that all snowflakes are unique, so it's quite fitting that von Koch scores the opener and the only goal for Sweden. The Chudnovsky brothers are not taking it lightly though. There are two of them and they also know, possibly from one of their supercomputers, that the first and smallest prime number is 2. Hence the two goals they score in reply to von Koch's. And the game ends 2-1 to Ukraine.
TUESDAY JUNE 12th (GROUP STAGE)
Greece v Czech Republic, Poland v Russia
On to the second round of matches, commencing with Pythagoras and Matousek. The first round was a huge problem for Matousek, incurring the biggest loss of any competitor. Some might have called it a ham-fisted problem. But did he take mkyou2tube's advice and concentrate on a different sandwich filling? Pythagoras drew in his match against Banach; could he improve on that this afternoon? Good news for Matousek, the change from ham to cheese prompted a brace of goals, but for Pythagoras, it's less right-angled triangles and more a right mess. One for him, two for Matousek, 1-2 to the Czech.
After that, Banach plays the young upstart Euler Junior. As host, Banach is looking for a modern functional approach to the game against a player who top scored in the first round of games. Mainly Euler is here representing his Swiss father (note how Switzerland has two players without even featuring itself in the tournament). Euler elder gave his name to the formula with a V, E, F and 2 relating the vertices, edges and faces of three-dimensional solids (without holes). Well, Euler scored first tonight but didn't get up to the 2 suggested by his father, and Banach equalised to obtain the draw. It leaves our four Group A mathematicians with their points in a linear sequence: Pythagoras has 1, Banach has 2, Matousek has 3 and Euler Junior has 4.
Greece v Czech Republic, Poland v Russia
On to the second round of matches, commencing with Pythagoras and Matousek. The first round was a huge problem for Matousek, incurring the biggest loss of any competitor. Some might have called it a ham-fisted problem. But did he take mkyou2tube's advice and concentrate on a different sandwich filling? Pythagoras drew in his match against Banach; could he improve on that this afternoon? Good news for Matousek, the change from ham to cheese prompted a brace of goals, but for Pythagoras, it's less right-angled triangles and more a right mess. One for him, two for Matousek, 1-2 to the Czech.
After that, Banach plays the young upstart Euler Junior. As host, Banach is looking for a modern functional approach to the game against a player who top scored in the first round of games. Mainly Euler is here representing his Swiss father (note how Switzerland has two players without even featuring itself in the tournament). Euler elder gave his name to the formula with a V, E, F and 2 relating the vertices, edges and faces of three-dimensional solids (without holes). Well, Euler scored first tonight but didn't get up to the 2 suggested by his father, and Banach equalised to obtain the draw. It leaves our four Group A mathematicians with their points in a linear sequence: Pythagoras has 1, Banach has 2, Matousek has 3 and Euler Junior has 4.
WEDNESDAY JUNE 13th (GROUP STAGE)
Denmark v Portugal, Netherlands v Germany
First up, it's Mohr the Dane versus Nunes the Portuguese. Mohr will be wanting mohr of the same after his victory against Bernoulli, Nunes will be hoping for a better performance after his loss against Gauss. An exciting match, with Nunes scoring the first two and then Mohr scoring two in reply. Close to the end though, Mohr loses his bearings and it's High Nune, no need for an astrolabe to guide the ball into the net, 2-3 to Nunes.
After a shock defeat in the previous match, Bernoulli looking for a win here against the prodigal Gauss. Gauss, however, is clinical, almost putting the fun in fundamental, taking a two goal lead at half-time. Bernoulli, an expert on probability, realises that to progress it's likely he'll need something from this match. He comes out on the attack, far less viscous than in the first half, and gets a goal which brings him back into the game. But try as he might, he can't find a second and Gauss claims his second victory, 1-2. So going into the last ound of matches, Gauss has six points, Bernoulli has none and Mohr and Nunes are tied on three points.
Denmark v Portugal, Netherlands v Germany
First up, it's Mohr the Dane versus Nunes the Portuguese. Mohr will be wanting mohr of the same after his victory against Bernoulli, Nunes will be hoping for a better performance after his loss against Gauss. An exciting match, with Nunes scoring the first two and then Mohr scoring two in reply. Close to the end though, Mohr loses his bearings and it's High Nune, no need for an astrolabe to guide the ball into the net, 2-3 to Nunes.
After a shock defeat in the previous match, Bernoulli looking for a win here against the prodigal Gauss. Gauss, however, is clinical, almost putting the fun in fundamental, taking a two goal lead at half-time. Bernoulli, an expert on probability, realises that to progress it's likely he'll need something from this match. He comes out on the attack, far less viscous than in the first half, and gets a goal which brings him back into the game. But try as he might, he can't find a second and Gauss claims his second victory, 1-2. So going into the last ound of matches, Gauss has six points, Bernoulli has none and Mohr and Nunes are tied on three points.
THURSDAY JUNE 14th (GROUP STAGE)
Italy v Croatia, Spain v Republic of Ireland
We start with Fibonacci versus Janko. Fibonacci will be looking to extend his sequence of goals, whilst keeping it tight at the back. Janko, he of simple sporadic group fame, will be looking to keep it simple but not sporadic. Fibonacci opens the scoring in the first half. Janko replies with one of his own in the second. It's a draw. Fibonacci, of course, scores one in the first match and one in the second, emulating the sequence which bears his name: 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, ... So that'll be eight goals in the final then.
Fermat up for Spain (even though he's French, he's honorary Spanish for this tournament) and John Edward (Jedward) Campbell for the Republic of Ireland. Fermat is most renowned for his Last Theorem which he mentioned in the margin of a book without actually disclosing the theorem. The theorem is related in some way to Pythagoras' theorem, the most famous triple of which is the 3, 4, 5. So no surprise to see Fermat going straight down the middle and scoring four goals in this fixture. Jedward hardly shows up, scoring no goals in return, equal to the other Jedward's number of Eurovision Song contest, X Factor and Big Brother victories. It means that Jedward is heading back home, booted out as the first evictee of the tournament. Janko and Fermat top the group with four points, whilst Fibonacci has two points (the third term of his sequence).
Italy v Croatia, Spain v Republic of Ireland
We start with Fibonacci versus Janko. Fibonacci will be looking to extend his sequence of goals, whilst keeping it tight at the back. Janko, he of simple sporadic group fame, will be looking to keep it simple but not sporadic. Fibonacci opens the scoring in the first half. Janko replies with one of his own in the second. It's a draw. Fibonacci, of course, scores one in the first match and one in the second, emulating the sequence which bears his name: 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, ... So that'll be eight goals in the final then.
Fermat up for Spain (even though he's French, he's honorary Spanish for this tournament) and John Edward (Jedward) Campbell for the Republic of Ireland. Fermat is most renowned for his Last Theorem which he mentioned in the margin of a book without actually disclosing the theorem. The theorem is related in some way to Pythagoras' theorem, the most famous triple of which is the 3, 4, 5. So no surprise to see Fermat going straight down the middle and scoring four goals in this fixture. Jedward hardly shows up, scoring no goals in return, equal to the other Jedward's number of Eurovision Song contest, X Factor and Big Brother victories. It means that Jedward is heading back home, booted out as the first evictee of the tournament. Janko and Fermat top the group with four points, whilst Fibonacci has two points (the third term of his sequence).
FRIDAY JUNE 15th (GROUP STAGE)
Ukraine v France, Sweden v England
Pascal = Triangle. The most famous geographical triangle in the world is the Bermuda Triangle, which is very wet indeed. Another place which is very wet indeed is the match between the hosts, the Chudnovsky brothers (Ukraine) and Pascal (France). But if you're looking for the real bad weather omen for this group, look no further than Koch (Sweden) and his eponymous snowflake. Anyway, back to the first kick-off, and after a suspension due to the thunder and lightning, some football. And it's going to take a whole lot of processing power for Ukraine to get a result in this match. In the end, the Chudnovskys' supercomputer is no match for Pascal who is gradually working his way down his triangle. One goal against Newton from the top row of the triangle and directly below that 1 is a 2. 0-2 to Pascal.
Koch versus Newton (England) in the second kick-off. In a drab first half Newton scores the only goal. After half-time the game picks up and it's a much more exciting match. Two quick goals from Koch gives him the lead. But as Newton knows, every action has an equal and opposite reaction, and in this situation that's two goals in the other net. Newton scores three goals to Koch's two and the victory is England's. Pascal and Newton on four points, Pascal ahead on goal difference, with the Chudnovsky brothers on the first digit of pi (three points). Koch follows Jedward out of the tournament with two losses and zero points. What a Koch-up.
Ukraine v France, Sweden v England
Pascal = Triangle. The most famous geographical triangle in the world is the Bermuda Triangle, which is very wet indeed. Another place which is very wet indeed is the match between the hosts, the Chudnovsky brothers (Ukraine) and Pascal (France). But if you're looking for the real bad weather omen for this group, look no further than Koch (Sweden) and his eponymous snowflake. Anyway, back to the first kick-off, and after a suspension due to the thunder and lightning, some football. And it's going to take a whole lot of processing power for Ukraine to get a result in this match. In the end, the Chudnovskys' supercomputer is no match for Pascal who is gradually working his way down his triangle. One goal against Newton from the top row of the triangle and directly below that 1 is a 2. 0-2 to Pascal.
Koch versus Newton (England) in the second kick-off. In a drab first half Newton scores the only goal. After half-time the game picks up and it's a much more exciting match. Two quick goals from Koch gives him the lead. But as Newton knows, every action has an equal and opposite reaction, and in this situation that's two goals in the other net. Newton scores three goals to Koch's two and the victory is England's. Pascal and Newton on four points, Pascal ahead on goal difference, with the Chudnovsky brothers on the first digit of pi (three points). Koch follows Jedward out of the tournament with two losses and zero points. What a Koch-up.
SATURDAY JUNE 16th (GROUP STAGE)
Czech Republic v Poland, Greece v Russia
Matousek, Banach, Pythagoras and Euler Junior all played tonight for two places in the quarter-finals. Euler Junior started this competition with a 4-1 win over Matousek, then drew with Banach in his second match. Pythagoras also drew with Banach in his first match, then lost to Matousek in his second match. Matousek bounced back from his first match thrashing with a victory over Pythagoras. Banach has drawn both his games so far.
So to the final two matches of group A. Matousek takes on Banach and Pythagoras takes on Euler Junior. After a fairly non-eventful first 45 minutes, Pythagoras scores just before half-time. In the other match, Matousek scores the solitary goal during the second half. And the winners of these two matches take their places in the next round. Matousek czechs in to the quarter-finals at the expense of the banished Banach, and Pythagoras also lives to see another day, Euler Junior failing to live up to his early promise. As they say, you never win anything with kids. Matousek wins Group A, Pythagoras runner-up.
Czech Republic v Poland, Greece v Russia
Matousek, Banach, Pythagoras and Euler Junior all played tonight for two places in the quarter-finals. Euler Junior started this competition with a 4-1 win over Matousek, then drew with Banach in his second match. Pythagoras also drew with Banach in his first match, then lost to Matousek in his second match. Matousek bounced back from his first match thrashing with a victory over Pythagoras. Banach has drawn both his games so far.
So to the final two matches of group A. Matousek takes on Banach and Pythagoras takes on Euler Junior. After a fairly non-eventful first 45 minutes, Pythagoras scores just before half-time. In the other match, Matousek scores the solitary goal during the second half. And the winners of these two matches take their places in the next round. Matousek czechs in to the quarter-finals at the expense of the banished Banach, and Pythagoras also lives to see another day, Euler Junior failing to live up to his early promise. As they say, you never win anything with kids. Matousek wins Group A, Pythagoras runner-up.
SUNDAY JUNE 17th (GROUP STAGE)
Denmark v Germany, Portugal v Netherlands
So tonight it's Mohr, Gauss, Nunes and Bernoulli all fighting for (and any possibly going to obtain) two places in the quarter-finals. Gauss has had two victories and Bernoulli two losses, whilst Mohr and Nunes have each had one win and one loss.
At half-time it's 1-1 in both matches. Who wants it the most? His constructions might not, but Mohr would like a straightedge to ease his passage to the later stages. Gauss has been efficient, years of experience under his belt, and will be hoping to top the group with a draw or a win. Nunes is another geometer trying to find a particular angle. Bernoulli was one of the pre-tournament favourites with his brand of fluid mechanics and total statistics.
A goal for Gauss and a goal for Nunes and the group is decided with two 2-1 wins. Gauss and Nunes go through to play Pythagoras and Matousek respectively. Mohr is no mohr. Bernoulli's zero point total means that he follows Johann Euler out as the second and final Swiss to leave (even though Switzerland's not in it).
Denmark v Germany, Portugal v Netherlands
So tonight it's Mohr, Gauss, Nunes and Bernoulli all fighting for (and any possibly going to obtain) two places in the quarter-finals. Gauss has had two victories and Bernoulli two losses, whilst Mohr and Nunes have each had one win and one loss.
At half-time it's 1-1 in both matches. Who wants it the most? His constructions might not, but Mohr would like a straightedge to ease his passage to the later stages. Gauss has been efficient, years of experience under his belt, and will be hoping to top the group with a draw or a win. Nunes is another geometer trying to find a particular angle. Bernoulli was one of the pre-tournament favourites with his brand of fluid mechanics and total statistics.
A goal for Gauss and a goal for Nunes and the group is decided with two 2-1 wins. Gauss and Nunes go through to play Pythagoras and Matousek respectively. Mohr is no mohr. Bernoulli's zero point total means that he follows Johann Euler out as the second and final Swiss to leave (even though Switzerland's not in it).
MONDAY JUNE 18th (GROUP STAGE)
Croatia v Spain, Italy v Republic of Ireland
Janko (of sporadic group fame) versus Fermat (from France/Spain). Will this be the last we see from Fermat? Both top the group with four points and a 2-2 draw (or higher) puts Fibonacci out regardless of the score in his match against the already evicted Jedward Campbell.
But the prospect of a high-scoring draw between Janko and Fermat comes to nothing with the match goalless until almost the end, Fermat pinching a goal (at the last). In the other match, Fibonacci keeps generating the terms of his rabbit-breeding sequence with the only two goals in his match. Jedward head home empty-handed and pointless. Janko (the other supposed group expert) is out too. Fermat and Fibonacci, the big name mathematicians in this group, safely through to the quarters.
Croatia v Spain, Italy v Republic of Ireland
Janko (of sporadic group fame) versus Fermat (from France/Spain). Will this be the last we see from Fermat? Both top the group with four points and a 2-2 draw (or higher) puts Fibonacci out regardless of the score in his match against the already evicted Jedward Campbell.
But the prospect of a high-scoring draw between Janko and Fermat comes to nothing with the match goalless until almost the end, Fermat pinching a goal (at the last). In the other match, Fibonacci keeps generating the terms of his rabbit-breeding sequence with the only two goals in his match. Jedward head home empty-handed and pointless. Janko (the other supposed group expert) is out too. Fermat and Fibonacci, the big name mathematicians in this group, safely through to the quarters.
TUESDAY JUNE 19th (GROUP STAGE)
England v Ukraine, Sweden v France
And so to the last of the group matches, Newton versus the Chudnovsky brothers and Koch vesus Pascal. Pascal has been busily working his way down his own triangle, what can he do tonight? Koch has been in the lead of both matches so far and lost them both, can he make up for his previous koch-ups and salvage some pride? The Chudnovsky brothers scored one each against Koch in their opening match but failed to score against Pascal. Newton started with a draw, then won; can he accelerate into the quarters?
The first half comes and goes, goalless in both matches. After the break (and a long weight), Newton gets ahead straight away. Koch comes good, scoring twice against Pascal, taking the lead for the third match, but this time managing to keep hold of it. Final scores: 1-0 to Newton and 2-0 to Koch. Newton tops the group, Pascal comes second despite his loss and discontinuation of his triangle, with Koch and the brotherly hosts bringing up the rear and bowing out. Back to their fractals and computers.
And so the quarter-final line up is complete. The first two teams to meat are Matousek (ham) and Nunes (astrolabe) from Portktugal. Then we have two mathematical heavyweights in Gauss versus Pythagoras. Next it's Fermat versus Pascal in an all French match (but Fermat can speak Spanish). Finally we have Newton versus Fibonacci, with Fibonaaci looking to score the three goals to keep his sequence alive.
England v Ukraine, Sweden v France
And so to the last of the group matches, Newton versus the Chudnovsky brothers and Koch vesus Pascal. Pascal has been busily working his way down his own triangle, what can he do tonight? Koch has been in the lead of both matches so far and lost them both, can he make up for his previous koch-ups and salvage some pride? The Chudnovsky brothers scored one each against Koch in their opening match but failed to score against Pascal. Newton started with a draw, then won; can he accelerate into the quarters?
The first half comes and goes, goalless in both matches. After the break (and a long weight), Newton gets ahead straight away. Koch comes good, scoring twice against Pascal, taking the lead for the third match, but this time managing to keep hold of it. Final scores: 1-0 to Newton and 2-0 to Koch. Newton tops the group, Pascal comes second despite his loss and discontinuation of his triangle, with Koch and the brotherly hosts bringing up the rear and bowing out. Back to their fractals and computers.
And so the quarter-final line up is complete. The first two teams to meat are Matousek (ham) and Nunes (astrolabe) from Portktugal. Then we have two mathematical heavyweights in Gauss versus Pythagoras. Next it's Fermat versus Pascal in an all French match (but Fermat can speak Spanish). Finally we have Newton versus Fibonacci, with Fibonaaci looking to score the three goals to keep his sequence alive.
THURSDAY JUNE 21st (QUARTER-FINALS)
Czech Republic v Portugal
Back after a day's rest and the meating of Matousek, ham sandwich problem identifier, and Nunes (from Porktugal), anunymous inventor of the nonius, a device so useful that it's doubtful you'd have ever heard of it. Matousek lost heavily in his first match, rescued only by following mkyou2tube's advice to swap sandwich fillings. Coincidentally Nunes also lost in his first match, but both Matousek and Nunes recovered from their early losses by winning their remaining group matches.
One goal, ten minutes from time, sees Nunes into the semi-finals. Matousek is czeching out and he can have no beef about that.
Czech Republic v Portugal
Back after a day's rest and the meating of Matousek, ham sandwich problem identifier, and Nunes (from Porktugal), anunymous inventor of the nonius, a device so useful that it's doubtful you'd have ever heard of it. Matousek lost heavily in his first match, rescued only by following mkyou2tube's advice to swap sandwich fillings. Coincidentally Nunes also lost in his first match, but both Matousek and Nunes recovered from their early losses by winning their remaining group matches.
One goal, ten minutes from time, sees Nunes into the semi-finals. Matousek is czeching out and he can have no beef about that.
FRIDAY JUNE 22nd (QUARTER-FINALS)
Germany v Greece
Gauss against Pythagoras, the young German and the old beardy Grecian. Gauss is favourite after his flawless performance in the group stages, but Pythagoras will be trying to stifle the cheeky upstart.
Gauss leads one-nil at half-time but Pythagoras pinches an equaliser straight after the break. Gauss responds in emphatic style with three more goals, one of which takes him klose to the semi-final, being as it is his 17th goal in a major tournament, equalling the number of sides of the heptadecagon he discovered a construction for in 1796. Pythagoras gets a late penalty to take his score to two (the largest integer which cannot feature in a Pythagorean triple), but there it ends, 4-2 to Gauss, Pythagoras evicted from the Euro.
Germany v Greece
Gauss against Pythagoras, the young German and the old beardy Grecian. Gauss is favourite after his flawless performance in the group stages, but Pythagoras will be trying to stifle the cheeky upstart.
Gauss leads one-nil at half-time but Pythagoras pinches an equaliser straight after the break. Gauss responds in emphatic style with three more goals, one of which takes him klose to the semi-final, being as it is his 17th goal in a major tournament, equalling the number of sides of the heptadecagon he discovered a construction for in 1796. Pythagoras gets a late penalty to take his score to two (the largest integer which cannot feature in a Pythagorean triple), but there it ends, 4-2 to Gauss, Pythagoras evicted from the Euro.
SATURDAY JUNE 23rd (QUARTER-FINALS)
Spain v France
It's the meeting of the two Frenchmen, Fermat and Pascal, Fermat qualifying for Spain due to his ability to speak the language. Will Fermat, the defending champion, show Pascal any merci?
Fermat claims one goal before the break, Pascal unable to try any angle. Fermat plays his usual possession game. One thing in his possession is his eponymous little theorem, concerning prime numbers. And prime numbers do not come any more little than two. Which is probably why the referee awards Fermat a penalty in the 89th minute, which he converts, progressing the 2-0 winner on the night. Pascal draws a blank for the second match in a row and French is beaten by pseudoFrench.
Spain v France
It's the meeting of the two Frenchmen, Fermat and Pascal, Fermat qualifying for Spain due to his ability to speak the language. Will Fermat, the defending champion, show Pascal any merci?
Fermat claims one goal before the break, Pascal unable to try any angle. Fermat plays his usual possession game. One thing in his possession is his eponymous little theorem, concerning prime numbers. And prime numbers do not come any more little than two. Which is probably why the referee awards Fermat a penalty in the 89th minute, which he converts, progressing the 2-0 winner on the night. Pascal draws a blank for the second match in a row and French is beaten by pseudoFrench.
SUNDAY JUNE 24th (QUARTER-FINALS)
England v Italy
And so to Newton versus Fibonacci. Fibonacci will be looking to continue his sequence with three goals, Newton will be happy just to win. It's the last place in the semi-finals up for grabs.
Newton and Fibonacci battle hard. Fibonacci shows more flair, but Newton has grit and determination. For Fibonacci, F (football) = ma (mainly attacking), but Newton it's F = md. Ninety minutes of goalless action (the first in the tournament) turns into 120 minutes, before a penalty shoot-out ends 4-2 in Fibonacci's favour. Fibonacci claimed no goals in the match proper (not even one, let alone the three). As always, for 120 minutes, Fibonacci's action received an equal and opposite reaction from Newton. Newton flies home, Fibonacci marches onwards.
England v Italy
And so to Newton versus Fibonacci. Fibonacci will be looking to continue his sequence with three goals, Newton will be happy just to win. It's the last place in the semi-finals up for grabs.
Newton and Fibonacci battle hard. Fibonacci shows more flair, but Newton has grit and determination. For Fibonacci, F (football) = ma (mainly attacking), but Newton it's F = md. Ninety minutes of goalless action (the first in the tournament) turns into 120 minutes, before a penalty shoot-out ends 4-2 in Fibonacci's favour. Fibonacci claimed no goals in the match proper (not even one, let alone the three). As always, for 120 minutes, Fibonacci's action received an equal and opposite reaction from Newton. Newton flies home, Fibonacci marches onwards.
WEDNESDAY JUNE 27th (SEMI-FINALS)
Portugal v Spain
And so the race to crown the continent's best mathematician reaches the semi-final stage. In this first semi-final, Nunes, creator of the astrolabe or something, meets Fermat (French but able to speak Spanish), creator of a little theorem and a last theorem and maybe a first, second and some other less chronologically defined theorems.
Just like the bus cliche, that you wait for one and then several turn up at once, so far in this tournament there had been no goalless draws until Fibonacci met Newton and then we get another in the next match. Not only that, but we get a repeated scoreline in the penalty shoot-out in Fermat's favour. Fermat has made it to the last match, and has the chance to claim three major tournament titles in a row. For Nunes, it is midnight (perhaps).
Portugal v Spain
And so the race to crown the continent's best mathematician reaches the semi-final stage. In this first semi-final, Nunes, creator of the astrolabe or something, meets Fermat (French but able to speak Spanish), creator of a little theorem and a last theorem and maybe a first, second and some other less chronologically defined theorems.
Just like the bus cliche, that you wait for one and then several turn up at once, so far in this tournament there had been no goalless draws until Fibonacci met Newton and then we get another in the next match. Not only that, but we get a repeated scoreline in the penalty shoot-out in Fermat's favour. Fermat has made it to the last match, and has the chance to claim three major tournament titles in a row. For Nunes, it is midnight (perhaps).
THURSDAY JUNE 28th (SEMI-FINALS)
Germany v Italy
Gauss, the young vibrant star, takes on Fibonacci of Pisa, the veteran. Fibonacci's hopes of recreating his sequence went awry in the quarters, where three goals were expected but none were delivered until the penalty shoot-out. To get back on track, he needs five in this match. Gauss, the pundits' favourite, will have something to say about that. Or will he? Fibonacci takes a two goal lead due to some individual brilliance and Gauss is playing catch up. A penalty in extra-time is scant consolation and Gauss must depart, regroup and learn from his precociousness. Fibonacci still on course for his eight goals in the final.
Germany v Italy
Gauss, the young vibrant star, takes on Fibonacci of Pisa, the veteran. Fibonacci's hopes of recreating his sequence went awry in the quarters, where three goals were expected but none were delivered until the penalty shoot-out. To get back on track, he needs five in this match. Gauss, the pundits' favourite, will have something to say about that. Or will he? Fibonacci takes a two goal lead due to some individual brilliance and Gauss is playing catch up. A penalty in extra-time is scant consolation and Gauss must depart, regroup and learn from his precociousness. Fibonacci still on course for his eight goals in the final.
SUNDAY JULY 1st (FINAL)
Spain v Italy
And so it comes to this. Fermat, representing a different country to the one he hails from just by virtue of having taken a GCSE in it, or something French, takes on Fibonacci, famous only for adding numbers together and writing the answers down. Since the group stage it has been prophesised that Fibonacci would bring his sequence to life by scoring Fn goals in the nth match. He didn't in the quarters and semis, but this match could be the turning point. Fermat, on the other hand, is the winner of the last two tournaments and will want to be the last mathematician left, a feat so outstanding that it can't be squeezed into the margin of this website. Whatever that means.
Well, anyway, it's 4-0 to Fermat. Fibonacci never really got the hang of scoring lots of goals as his sequence would have required, but zero is smaller than any term and is a tad disappointing. As for Fermat, he can now rewrite his Last Theorem.
Spain v Italy
And so it comes to this. Fermat, representing a different country to the one he hails from just by virtue of having taken a GCSE in it, or something French, takes on Fibonacci, famous only for adding numbers together and writing the answers down. Since the group stage it has been prophesised that Fibonacci would bring his sequence to life by scoring Fn goals in the nth match. He didn't in the quarters and semis, but this match could be the turning point. Fermat, on the other hand, is the winner of the last two tournaments and will want to be the last mathematician left, a feat so outstanding that it can't be squeezed into the margin of this website. Whatever that means.
Well, anyway, it's 4-0 to Fermat. Fibonacci never really got the hang of scoring lots of goals as his sequence would have required, but zero is smaller than any term and is a tad disappointing. As for Fermat, he can now rewrite his Last Theorem.